Testimonials & Reflections Archives - Natural Lifemanship https://naturallifemanship.com Overcoming Trauma and Stress With Horses Thu, 12 May 2022 05:39:49 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.9.3 https://naturallifemanship.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/cropped-NL-Favicon@3x-1-32x32.png Testimonials & Reflections Archives - Natural Lifemanship https://naturallifemanship.com 32 32 “It is life-changing…” https://naturallifemanship.com/it-is-life-changing/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=it-is-life-changing Wed, 11 Aug 2021 17:10:09 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=659853 “NL continues to be the gold standard for training in EAP and continues to show that their principles and the fundamentals align within all aspects of life and relationship.” -Renee Bouffard, LCSW/Executive Director, Healing Hoofbeats of CT, Inc.   The reviews are in and we are over the moon!   When COVID hit, we at […]

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“NL continues to be the gold standard for training in EAP and continues to show that their principles and the fundamentals align within all aspects of life and relationship.”

-Renee Bouffard, LCSW/Executive Director, Healing Hoofbeats of CT, Inc.

 

The reviews are in and we are over the moon!

 

When COVID hit, we at Natural Lifemanship were in a scramble to create a new plan for staying connected with our community.  Staying connected, and continuing to grow in ongoing learning has been possible…virtually!  

 

As the pandemic has continued, we’ve worked to bring our second level training, the Natural Lifemanship Intensive, to an online platform as well. We launched our first cohort in March of 2021 and, having just wrapped up, I am simply delighted to say how powerful it was for me, the rest of the NL team, and for our students – some would even call it life-changing!

 

“The NL Intensive training is a life-changer. Diving so deep into concepts, receiving helpful feedback about videos, and having a dyad partner helped me deepen my practice and my relationships with individuals I serve, my horses, and all my other relationship partners. I would recommend this training to anyone who works in a helping profession. Honestly, I would recommend this training to anyone who has any relationship at all. I have learned so much about myself and the world around me.”

-Terri Schanen, Equine-Assisted Skill Developer, Lessons In Harmony, LLC

 

 

“Y’all. And I don’t say y’all bc I’m from Iowa. But y’all, this is life changing.”

– Ashley Stavig

 

Before, the Intensive was an in-person training lasting 3 days that allowed for a group of paired up students to work with horses to deepen their learning from the Fundamentals.  Taking turns practicing the principles of NL, the pair would receive feedback and participate in discussion throughout the 3 days.  It was a fun and meaningful training, without a doubt.  

 

And yet, at the end of the 3 days we were always met with the same conundrum…people wanted more time to think together, learn together, and practice…but it was just SO hard for everyone to make more time to do this in person.  Putting together a virtual learning experience is tricky, especially as we work to hold true to our values of relationship and connection first.  But the NL team outdid themselves again and produced a 15 week virtual training that has been, I am thrilled to say, a HUGE success. 

 

 

As one of the instructors in this course, I have relished being able to connect with students over a whole 15 weeks through a group forum, routine office hours, and a total of 8 class meetings – while each student has been able to learn in their own time and practice, right at home. The learning has been deeper, richer, and more transformative, because students have time to step into the principles, and even apply their learning to their personal lives and relationships.

 

 

 

The material that is covered in the NL Intensive takes students deeper into the neuroscience, the attachment, and the ethics of this field of equine assisted services – and it does so through powerful experiences in learning and practicing with horses. 

 

“This course was informative, practical, and easily transferred to my work with people in my private practice, with or without horses. I highly recommend it!”

– Lydia Radke, Ancora Wellness.

 

Each of the 8 class meetings is an opportunity to connect, regulate, and learn new skills – as well as an opportunity to watch, pause, review, and discuss the active work that the students are doing at home. NL Intensive students come away with a toolbox of regulation skills, a depth and breadth of knowledge, and an embodied experience of how to build healthy relationships no matter where they go.  

 

 

Whether you are a therapist, equine professional, or someone in between, you will find this training can improve not only your professional development, but your personal development as well.

 

“Phenomenal training that helps expand therapeutic knowledge, horsemanship knowledge, and self awareness. Applies to every part of life and really gets the wheels turning!”

-Brooke Bodar, LPC

 

NL students remark on the changes they witness in themselves, in their horses, their families, and of course, in their clients – the NL Intensive is a transformative experience.

 

 

In our last class together, each student had the opportunity to summarize their experience with the course and I was truly brought to tears by the reflections they shared.  We wanted to stay connected with our community, even at a distance, and I really think we did it.  What an incredible group of people willing to dive in to grow as individuals and professionals…and what an exciting training to be a part of!

 

I cannot wait for our new cohort to begin – so we can connect with a whole new group of incredible helpers and healers in the world.  I hope to see you there!

 

“If you are considering taking the intensive… DO IT!!! This course was not only profoundly helpful for my sessions with clients and horses but also deeply impactful for me personally.”  

 

Are you ready to join us? Our new cohort is now enrolling and will begin August 23rd! 

Register here!

 

Still wanting that in-person experience? 

Join us at an intensive practicum as well!  

The Intensive Practicum is a 3-day in-person experience for those who have a desire for hands-on practice with our trainers to truly understand the NL approach from the inside out. Following 15 weeks of comprehensive, in-depth online learning, you’ll have the opportunity to dive deep into your practice with horses, and receive in-the-moment feedback from experienced NL professionals, so you can progress with confidence and competence. It takes practice to become a therapeutic presence and skilled guide.  Here’s what our students are saying about the Intensive Practicum….

 

 

“The practicum really brought the online learning information together in the most meaningful way. This was a very powerful training and one of the best trainings I have ever attended.”

-Dr. Sarah Cairns, psychologist, Cairns Therapy and Nutrition

 

“One of my biggest takeaways [from the practicum] was getting to practice finding the space between my own “old tapes” of either trying to control or simply walking away when I’m feeling ignored; and then practicing what to do with my internal energy and getting clear about my needs in that space. Very healing and helpful to my personal and professional life moving forward.”

 

Haven’t taken the Fundamentals of NL (the pre-req for this course) yet?  Registration opens soon for the Fundamentals as well!  Check it out!

 

Still undecided? See ALL our amazing video testimonials, here!

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What Are People Saying About Our Newest Training? https://naturallifemanship.com/what-are-people-saying-about-our-newest-training/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=what-are-people-saying-about-our-newest-training Wed, 09 Sep 2020 17:28:55 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=650493 WOW!  That is all I can say as we wrap our second cohort of the fully online Virtual Fundamentals of Natural Lifemanship. We started this training in May and have already had over 150 participants!  Our participants have been amazing, the learning has been monumental, and the feedback has been incredible!  As a trainer, I […]

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WOW!  That is all I can say as we wrap our second cohort of the fully online Virtual Fundamentals of Natural Lifemanship. We started this training in May and have already had over 150 participants!  Our participants have been amazing, the learning has been monumental, and the feedback has been incredible!  As a trainer, I have so enjoyed connecting with students in so many new places  – Costa Rica, Hawaii, even Australia!  

You know, at first I was nervous about this course.  Natural Lifemanship, and our model of Trauma Informed Equine Assisted Psychotherapy/Learning is just so experiential – it must be felt to really be understood.  Could a fully online course really help people learn what it means to be trauma-informed??? 

To be honest, I had my doubts.  But now I know differently – our participants are truly feeling their way into the principles, guided by the rich learning over the duration of the Virtual Fundamentals.  Because this course takes place over 10 weeks, our participants are able to really engage and digest the information, while also practicing applying the principles in their everyday lives.  Whether you have access to horses or not, the science and principles presented in our training seeps into your very way of being, especially when you intentionally spend the time.  

I also love that we can engage with students in an online forum and in live office hours – as well as offer real feedback on practice videos. The videos have been such a joy to watch – Core and Jumpstart Fundamentals participants set out to practice what they are learning with their own horses, just the two of them – I love seeing the learning unfold in each partnership (and I know the other instructors, Bettina, Tim, and Tanner agree wholeheartedly!!).  All students (including those who take the Foundations option) get to learn from each other’s feedback – the learning is rich!

Now I am just so thrilled we are finally offering this online course – and I can’t wait for the next cohort that starts September 14th!  I hope you can join us!

 

But don’t take my word for it….

“I feel like I have learned more about connected relationships and the importance of them in the last eight weeks than I have in my entire life! I will absolutely be back for more trainings and can’t wait to learn more.”

– Victoria Pello, Equine Coordinator, The Last Resort

 

“The NL staff (founders, trainers, and related personnel) did a phenomenal job of compiling content into a series of weekly modules where participants could engage with materials (e.g., videos, blog articles, manual, webinars) virtually. There was a lot of valuable information to review and soak in but with permanent access to the online course, I am conveniently able to go back and review content as I see fit! I am still new to the Natural Lifemanship model but because of this training, my new job and the wonderful horses and humans I get to work with daily, I am confident that I will start to witness the powerful impact this unique work has on the lives of many!”

– Shayla Anderson, Intake Coordinator, Barnabas Horse Foundation

 

Participants love the flexibility!

“I have taken the online Natural Lifemanship course and was blown away by the thorough and detailed, enriching learning experience. The ability to connect with an instructor was at my fingertips. It was so well done. Thank you for your effort, I am truly enjoying this class and in many ways, I find that the online class has made it easier to retain information with the ability to replay lessons a few times to grasp all of the information and have the video feedback in such a thorough analysis in real time to the actions. I have been able to balance the course between work and farm responsibilities very well because of the flexible nature of the course. The course itself is phenomenal and I am enjoying the new lens that I have to operate within and I see things so differently: relationships, horse rescue work, people’s responses to relationships and each other, and my own self and life choices. Not to mention an amazing “framework/process” to apply to helping horses. I am thankful for this opportunity to learn from your team who is so dedicated and knowledgeable.”

– Mary Elena Moran

 

95% of participants said this training met their expectations, and in fact many said it exceeded their expectations!

“The Virtual Fundamentals training was a transforming experience for both my personal and professional self. It allowed me to learn invaluable material at my own pace while still providing interaction and feedback from the NL trainers.”

– Kelly Kennedy, Wild Acres Counseling

 

“This 8 Week Jumpstart Program with NL opened me up to a brand new way of being! I had absolutely no idea what I was in for when I signed up. I feel like I was able to get to know each of the NL team members and felt an exceptional connection to both Bettina and Tim. Their realness, honesty and often playful interactions were so refreshing. The vast knowledge of the team members across the board was amazing and everyone has their place in this program. I will be forever grateful to have taken this course at this time in my life. And I thank everyone at NL for putting me on the path to be a better me! I look forward to meeting you all in person when travel restrictions allow me to come to the US!”

– Beth Sylver–Team Member at Rancho La Merced, Uvita, Costa Rica

 

96% of participants said they would be able to apply their learning to their work, right away

“Natural Lifemanship training allowed me to expand my knowledge as a practitioner, trust my intuition, and deepen my feelings of connection in my own body. It was like fitting an integral puzzle piece to my practice.”

– Jenna Vissell, MA Mental Health Practitioner, Stable Living, LLC

 

“It does not matter if you have horse, dog or goat, the principles of NL apply across all mental health services and life situations, from the simple to the complex. It is a comprehensive program, fascinating and effective. It challenges you to be a more balanced individual which in turn touches everything around you.”

– Melanie Stolfus LPC Rockhill Counseling Aubry Texas

 

“When working with individuals who have experienced trauma, the concepts and principles of NL target the key concerns of these individuals. The blending of attachment theory, neuroscience, and relationship principles are logically based and applicable within a therapy room, classroom, or home setting. It is a comprehensive program which incorporates the use of equines, creativity, music, movement, and sensory integration. Great program! I thoroughly enjoyed this training and can’t wait to utilize it! Thank you!”

– Cheryl Galligan

 

And some parting thoughts…

“The best equine assisted therapy training that I’ve ever had, and I’ve had many! I can finally answer the question of ‘Why Horses’ with more confidence and scientific understanding than ever before.”

– Juliet Wahlenmayer, NCC, LPC

 

“This is by far the most important course I’ve ever taken. A connected relationship with my horse will drive all of our interactions and take precedence over task based interaction. I always yearned for a deeper connection with my horse. Now I have the knowledge and ability to attain it. It’s not often I can come away with the ability to easily put course information into practice right away. The course had just the right amount of detail to explain the principles without being difficult to understand. If everyone, horse related or not, understood the principal’s of NL we would all live happier, more enriched and peaceful lives. “

– Ro Wellmaker/horse owner

 

What else can we say?!?!  Except a big THANK YOU to our NL Community!

Registration closes and the course starts September 14th!  Click here for more information and join us for the last offering of the year! 

 

A few more testimonials for your reading pleasure  🙂

“I came into this training with zero knowledge about horses. I had never even been on one (still haven’t)! As a therapist, this training was so helpful in building a strong foundation for any work I do in the arena!”

– Lauren Ball LCADC LCSW 

 

“The Virtual Fundamentals training was a transforming experience for both my personal and professional self. It allowed me to learn invaluable material at my own pace while still providing interaction and feedback from the NL trainers.”

– Kelly Kennedy, Wild Acres Counseling

 

“I have thoroughly enjoyed the training from NL. The education on brain development and how it affects human and horse behaviors; the use of rhythm to assist with cross-brain connections to allow higher level cognitive processing; the horse and human being capable and responsible for their own control, thereby avoiding domination and control to support and encourage this… These are some of the main ideas I have taken away from this training. Thank-you! I also want to mention that your humble, loving, genuine and intelligent characters have provided a beautiful and fun way to learn. MAHALO!”

– Fronda Harris – Heart Ranch Co-founder

 

“Natural Lifemanship made their core fundamentals training accessible to all who wanted to join by making it virtual with a practical experience component and feedback. The course merged the biology of horses and humans perfectly with a trauma informed care lens. The trainers, Bettina and Tim, are extremely knowledgeable and made the concepts easy to understand for all learners through various readings, visuals, demos, and oral presentations. I am extremely grateful for this experience and can’t wait to apply all I have learned!!”

– Madison Lee, PsyD Lucky Orphans Horse Rescue

 

“The NL Virtual Fundamentals course was packed with learning. The videos and recordings of calls and webinars provided several days worth of content that one would have received at a multi-day in-person training. The practice and video with feedback component was a great alternative to an in-person opportunity to practice and receive instructions on fine tuning the methods. The forums allowed for discussion and interaction with the other students in the course. Office hours and additional support were also available – complete with a manual, all bases were thoroughly covered for a potent experience that will benefit anyone looking to enhance their work as a coach, therapist or an equine professional.”

– Christina Stinchcomb, Airy Hill Stables (Equine Gestalt Coach)

 

“Natural Lifemanship has changed the way I interact with horses and people. The principles that are taught are immediately and infinitely applicable.”

– Kurt Webb

 

“This Virtual Fundamentals course was terrific. Grounded in science, offering the benefit of decades of professional experience with horses and people, there was a rich depth to all the presentations. During this COVID time, this training was a treat for myself and something I did just for me. I thoroughly enjoyed it and already have another online NL course in mind to start next. Highly recommended as a gift to yourself!! “

– Martha McNiel, LMFT, TRI, TDI, ESMHL, CEIP-MH, Director, DreamPower Horsemanship

 

“I admit, I was optimistic but skeptical at first, if the virtual training option would be a good fit, and would provide me with a clear understanding of the Natural Lifemanship principles, and how to apply them. However, after just the first week, I knew I made the right choice. The easy to follow platform, semi-structured learning and the different modalities used to deliver the content (blog articles, pages in the manual and video) made it interesting. The opportunity to engage in office hour discussions with the professionals and others in the cohort group, was invaluable and made it feel more “real”-as we can all learn from each other and our unique situations. Also, the screencast feedback was easy to understand and I liked the thoroughness each instructor took, to ensure I understand the “why” behind a comment. I appreciated that the trauma informed lens and neurodevelopment information are things that can be implemented in both of my work settings, schools (K-12) and in equine therapy sessions. I feel that this training has given me a more concrete understanding of Natural Lifemanship and I look forward to the continued learning it will provide.”

– Sarah Machold, LMSW, Supervisee in Social Work

 

“As a PATH Certified TRI and ESMHL working at a PATH center providing both therapeutic riding sessions as well as EAL sessions this was extremely beneficial. We are serving more and more individuals who have experienced trauma in our program. I now have a deeper understanding of how trauma impacts the brain and why the relationship with the horses are so important. The principles of this course are applicable to all areas of the program because it is about the relationship and the connection with the horse. Well worth the time. You will not be disappointed!”

– Emily Padgett, Program Director, Agape Therapeutic Riding Center

 

“The best equine assisted therapy training that I’ve ever had, and I’ve had many! I can finally answer the question of ‘Why Horses’ with more confidence and scientific understanding than ever before.”

– Juliet Wahlenmayer, NCC, LPC

 

“When working with individuals who have experienced trauma, the concepts and principles of NL target the key concerns of these individuals. The blending of attachment theory, neuroscience, and relationship principles are logically based and applicable within a therapy room, classroom, or home setting. It is a comprehensive program that incorporates the use of equines, creativity, music, movement, and sensory integration. Great program! I thoroughly enjoyed this training and can’t wait to utilize it! Thank you!”

– Cheryl Galligan

 

“I’d had a nagging curiosity about NL for years yet I just hadn’t found the time to attend a training. The Virtual Fundamentals of Natural Lifemanship Training Program was the perfect introduction to NL for me. The content was absolutely top notch, going into great depth on all topics covered via video lectures from Tim and Bettina as well as actual video footage from previous clinics. I got to enjoy it all and learn…right at home! They have developed something very important with TF-NL. Bettina is very skilled at bringing scientific concepts of brain and trauma right down to ground level and turning them into almost easy conversation. Tim and Bettina are both incredibly engaging as well as experts in their fields. They share their work with joy, enthusiasm and equal amounts of wisdom and humility.”

– Mari Rubens RN, BSN, EFLC

 

“I was able to immediately start incorporating the principles of Natural Lifemanship into my office work and my work with horses. NL provides the focus on relationship in the work with horses that was missing in my previous experiences with EAP/L.”

– Sara Rietsch LPC, CAADC

 

“This foundations course is truly the intellectual equivalent to having a sturdy and well built foundation for a nice house.”

– Abby Martin

 

“This course has provided me with a strong base for which I can move on to certification with confidence.”

– Susan Mitchell

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Navigating the New Normal – Putting One Foot in Front of the Other https://naturallifemanship.com/navigating-the-new-normal-putting-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=navigating-the-new-normal-putting-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other Wed, 03 Jun 2020 19:32:14 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=647652 This is a letter Michael Remole, NL trainer, recently sent to his clients.  We were touched.  We related, and we felt more connected to our community.  We hope you feel the same way.  Thank you Michael for your thoughts, your kindness, and your dedication to genuine connection.   As an empath, a business owner, and […]

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This is a letter Michael Remole, NL trainer, recently sent to his clients.  We were touched.  We related, and we felt more connected to our community.  We hope you feel the same way.  Thank you Michael for your thoughts, your kindness, and your dedication to genuine connection.

 

As an empath, a business owner, and a mental health professional, there are so many pieces of this COVID-19 plan that are quite difficult to fully address and properly articulate.  In short, my heart is broken.  

 

My heart breaks as I put on my mask and head out to greet your child.  I try hard to smile under this mask and show the excitement with my eyes, yet it is not the same.  I can feel the glances of “are you going to make my child wear a mask?” and “you believe this stuff?” and “it’s about time you meet in person again.”  My heart breaks as our young clients try to make sense of why a “safe place”—a place where we promote authenticity and a metaphorical mask free zone now requires a mask to keep us safe.  I cringe as I watch myself and our client fight our masks as they slide down our face, get into our eyes, and muffle our words.  It’s not the same, and I battle wondering whether telehealth was better than this awkward clumsy in-person session.  But I have to remind myself that connection is on a continuum and this IS connection, even if it feels awkward.  

 

My heart breaks as I watch your child touch doorknobs and grab buckets or latches.  I ask myself a million questions…did we wipe that down properly since the last client touched it?  Did the client touch their face after?  I pray that my clients don’t feel me holding my breath, but I know they do.  My biggest fear is not me catching the virus, but what if a decision I made to open up to in-person sessions causes your family to be directly impacted by this virus.  I ask myself a million times, “did I make the right decision?”  We want to help people and I pray that this is somehow helping.  

 

My heart is also very heavy for everyone given the way this virus is wreaking havoc on all areas of our lives—most importantly our mental health.  I hear the hurt in your voices and I feel the fear about the current state of things, as well as the fear of the future when we talk.  I know how desperately we all want answers and we want to fix this.  As an empath, one of my greatest gifts is to feel what you are feeling.  Right now, it is as if the volume to my empathy is blasting to a deafening volume.  Daily I am faced with the question, do I shut it off, do I figure out some way to turn down the volume, or do I learn to live with the volume blaring?  As I think about that, I know the pros and cons of each decision.  I often find myself paralyzed by all of the various ways for me to move forward.

 

Over the last two months, I have shared with clients about ambiguous loss and how it impacts people.  We’ve talked (I’ve even taught) on the idea that we are all grieving various losses and that each one of us has experienced loss on various levels.  What I did not realize was that coming back to in-person sessions would be what made me see more of the ambiguous losses.  

 

Lately, I’ve been working on the things I can do for myself personally that help me move toward a healthier version of myself.  I returned to running during this time after one of Dr. Perry’s office hours with Dr. Brandt.  She talked about rest, refuel & reflect.  Something struck me that day and I have logged over 100 miles in just a few weeks. I have been running the same road every day, but varying the distances.  This past Monday I decided to do one of my shortest runs and go a different route.   Interestingly, it was insane how difficult it was. It felt as if I were running a marathon.  My body did not have any problem with the mileage.  My brain did because it was new; it wasn’t what I was used to and I did not have those normal benchmarks of how far I had run.  This is similar to what’s been happening with COVID-19 for me.  I’ve been on the same route (telehealth) for a while now. Even though it’s had its own challenges, it’s what I know.  This week, we embarked on a new route by adding some in-person sessions.  Mentally, it has thrown me for a loop.  

 

 During my runs, I’ve been listening to music and an older song from FUN came on my playlist, “put one foot in front of the other.”  That has been on repeat in my head.  So today, I am taking one foot and I am placing it in front of the other.  I do not have the answers and I cannot fix this situation.  As an agency, we will continue to strive to provide exceptional services, despite having to wear masks and concerns over germs.  As an individual, I will work hard to identify those areas that are out of my control and what areas I can control.  And together with my clients, we will navigate this new normal and work hard to ensure that the physical masks do not hinder what we both need—genuine connection.

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Defining Relationship Logic® https://naturallifemanship.com/defining-relationship-logic/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=defining-relationship-logic Fri, 06 Mar 2020 19:42:42 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=644613 Sara Sherman is the founder of and a coach at Discovery Horse Our business, Discovery Horse, has been doing a large volume of work in our community in MN. As our circle of influence grew it became essential that I have a succinct definition of Relationship Logic (the ground component of Natural Lifemanship) that I […]

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Sara Sherman is the founder of and a coach at Discovery Horse

Our business, Discovery Horse, has been doing a large volume of work in our community in MN. As our circle of influence grew it became essential that I have a succinct definition of Relationship Logic (the ground component of Natural Lifemanship) that I could share in our conversations with the community. I grabbed some language from the NL website and wrote a few words of my own. The following is the result of that endeavor. I hope it can be as helpful to you and your communities as it has been to mine. There are 2 versions. The first is a little wordier and clinical.  I use this one for conversations with other mental health professionals and their agencies. The 2nd version is shorter and more easily digestible.

More in-depth version:

Relationship Logic® (RL) was developed by Natural Lifemanship and offers us a way to bring sound, consistent principles to the relationships in our lives. RL teaches that building attuned, connected relationships is always the primary goal from which other desirable outcomes follow. RL offers the neuroscience that empowers us to identify relationship patterns while maintaining the belief that our brains can change through new and healthy experiences. The ability to identify those patterns in a way that informs both compassionate understanding and a clear path to healthy change is an essential step toward healing, growth, and transformation. The principles we teach are the principles we practice and model in all of our relationships. We allow simple relationship principles to guide us as we work to transform these patterns. Behavioral patterns, especially those acquired in the early stages of development, are largely subconscious. They exist in the body and manifest as automatic reactions to situations we encounter each day. They become habitual. The way to change old patterns that no longer serve us is to practice something new. RL principles may be practiced in relationships with other people, and even within our relationships with ourselves, our families, animals, and communities. As these are practiced both during sessions and in daily life, new healthy patterns for relationships begin to replace old patterns that no longer serve us well. Connected and attuned relationships lead to healthy development; they contribute to healing at any age and enhance well-being.

Shorter Version:

Relationship Logic® (RL) was developed by Natural Lifemanship and offers us a way to bring sound, consistent principles to the relationships in our lives. RL teaches that building attuned, connected relationships is always the primary goal from which other desirable outcomes follow. RL offers the neuroscience that empowers us to identify relationship patterns while maintaining the belief that our brains can change through new and healthy experiences. The ability to identify these patterns in a way that informs both compassionate understanding and a clear path to healthy change is an essential step toward healing, growth, and transformation. The principles we teach are the principles we practice and model in all of our relationships. The way to change old patterns that no longer serve us is to practice something new. RL principles may be practiced in relationships everywhere; with ourselves, our families, our work teams, animals and communities. Connected and attuned relationships lead to healthy development; they contribute to healing at any age and enhance well-being.

 

Get started on your path with the Natural Lifemanship Institute.

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Getting to the “Root” of the Problem https://naturallifemanship.com/getting-to-the-root-of-the-problem/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=getting-to-the-root-of-the-problem Fri, 20 Dec 2019 19:09:37 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=639925 One of our greatest joys at The Natural Lifemanship Institute is hearing how our trainings have opened people’s eyes and transformed their lives. We are occasionally fortunate enough to receive unsolicited blog articles written by folks who have participated in our trainings and who left feeling inspired to reflect and write about their experiences and […]

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One of our greatest joys at The Natural Lifemanship Institute is hearing how our trainings have opened people’s eyes and transformed their lives. We are occasionally fortunate enough to receive unsolicited blog articles written by folks who have participated in our trainings and who left feeling inspired to reflect and write about their experiences and their realizations. Below is one such article. In it, Fundamentals of NL participant, Debbie Frey, discusses her realizations about trauma, resilience, and the ultimate healing that comes with connection.

Would you like to experience a Fundamentals of NL training? If you’ve already been to a Fundamentals training, would you like to go deeper and sign up for one of our advanced or specialty trainings? Click HERE to view and register for our upcoming trainings.

 

 

Getting to the “Root” of the Problem

By Debbie Frey

Picture a seed that’s been planted in soil and is ready to sprout. A seed that gets well-cared for with plenty of water, sunlight and protection grows a strong trunk, plentiful branches, and hardy leaves. But that’s not the case for all seeds – some might not get watered enough, some might get stepped on as a sapling, and some might even be attacked by a disease or swarm of insects later in their life.

These type of traumatic events are going to have an impact on the rest of the tree’s life whether the tree knows it or not. But here’s the thing – something that is traumatic to one tree, might not be as traumatic to the other. For example, maybe two trees get hit by the same disease. The first tree is super healthy and is able to fight off the disease quickly. Or maybe this tree is being carefully watched by an arborist who cares about the tree and has the resources to support it and help it get back to good health. Either way – the disease is more or less a bump in the tree’s road and it moves on. Now the second tree gets the same disease. It has a harder time fighting off the disease due to health issues it has had in the past. It’s just simply not as strong as the first tree and doesn’t know how to deal with this new disease. It’s also not under the watchful eye of someone who appreciates it and wants to see it get better. So it takes a deeper toll on the tree’s overall health.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet – we’re the tree.

Trauma happens to all of us. Problem is some people are wired to deal with trauma better than others. If they were raised in a loving and nurturing home, they might be mentally stronger to deal with it because their brain is well-developed and they can effectively deal with and process the pain. Or maybe they have close family members or friends to reach out to for support, or have the means to get help from qualified doctors, therapists, etc. who can help ensure they stay mentally healthy after the traumatic event. But not everyone is so lucky. Maybe they went through something traumatic as a baby or child (or even in utero). At the time, they didn’t have the means to get help (or even know that they needed it), and the wiring in their brain starts to gets all twisted. It has a cascading effect because it’s never addressed and pretty soon the parts of the brain that should be talking to each other aren’t. As a result it’s harder for them to rationalize, reason and deal with their emotions. And now, when this new traumatic event happens, they simply aren’t wired to deal with it. They might shut down, they might develop addictions and obsessions to deal with what they’re feeling, or they might lash out via anger and even try to hurt someone. These people need someone to teach them the right ways to deal with their feelings and the trauma they’ve experienced. The brain can be rewired, it just takes time, effort and a better understanding of what we as human beings need to get better.

And that’s a huge problem to tackle, especially in a society with a “just fix it” mentality. So we make efforts to prevent and protect – we try to ban guns, we make drugs illegal, we medicate with the ones that aren’t, and we try to raise awareness about mental health issues like PTSD, depression and anxiety. These are all valiant and honorable efforts but as the past has proven, mentally ill people will still find guns, they’ll still commit suicide, they’ll still develop eating disorders and they’ll still do drugs.

So what do we do? How do we fix all the trees?

We need to get to the root of the problem that is the mental health crisis in this country or it’s just going to keep happening. My hypothesis? It’s a side effect of the modern, increasingly disconnected world we live in. Families and social groups are getting smaller and more distanced from each other as we all strive for our (or our nuclear family’s) success. We’re becoming less of a “we” society and more of a “me” one. We’re forgetting how to develop the healthy and connected relationships that’s part of our DNA. Yes, technology has made it really easy to stay “connected” to important people in our lives, but not in the way our body craves. So, if it’s not getting that connection through a human relationship, there’s a good chance it’s going to try to find it elsewhere through other addictions – drugs, food, gambling, etc.

Just because we’ve essentially created our own problem doesn’t mean we’re screwed as a society. This isn’t the first time we’ve done this to ourselves. We all just need to think a little differently. We can’t expect the government, school systems, and healthcare to fix all the problems. They can certainly help, but it’s not going to solve anything until we all realize the severity of the threat. At the turn of the century when automobiles were invented we created a more physically dangerous world. Sure, the government stepped in and created roads and rules but WE had to do something too. We had to be more observant everywhere we went, we had to take our cars into the shop when they needed fixed, we needed to educate our children on safety around cars and the dangers of playing in traffic. We had to change. And change is hard. But we did it anyway. We did it because we knew cars were here to stay and we wanted to create a safe world for us and our children.

So now it’s time to do that again. But this time it’s not a physical danger, it’s a mental one. Time to own up. Time to change. Time to CONNECT.

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About the Author:

Debbie rediscovered her love for horses, and also her passion for equine-assisted psychotherapy about five years ago. She was beginning her last (and eventually successful) attempt to recover from the eating disorder she had been fighting for almost ten years. While reading a recovery book one day, the author started talking about a certain mental state that could be called the “essence of passion.” According to the book, when you’re in this state, you’re so fully engaged and focused in an activity that you love — one that’s well matched to your personal skills and gives you a sense of control – that you to lose awareness of time and yourself and it feels like a reward, regardless of the end result of your efforts. Debbie knew right away that for her, this was horses. In the few times she rode while she was sick, she recalled how present she was…which is a challenging feat for someone in the midst of an eating disorder whose mind in constantly racing about food, calories and control. So she decided to get back into riding and soon found it wasn’t the actual riding that was the most healing for her, but rather the relationship she was building with one particular horse, Finn. The mutual trust and connection they were developing was like nothing Debbie ever felt. Not only did she end up buying Finn to continue working on her relationship with him, but it also sparked her desire to learn more about the field of equine-assisted therapy and how/why being around horses has such healing power, especially for those recovering from eating disorders. During her research, she stumbled across Natural Lifemanship and knew immediately this was the methodology for her given the focus on trauma and building a connected relationship with a horse, much like she did with Finn. Since then, Debbie has taken both the Fundamentals and Intensive training in her pursuit of certification. She is currently a PR director at a Fortune 50 company and has intentions to complete her certification and slowly but purposely build her own Natural Lifemanship practice outside of Philadelphia once all the pieces fall into place and her life is at the right stage. Much like her recovery and also her relationship with Finn, she knows this pursuit won’t happen overnight, and that there will be setbacks along the way. But with time and patience, Debbie is confident the Lord will answer her prayers and put her in the right place to pursue her new-found passion.

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Self-Sufficiency Has Met Her Match https://naturallifemanship.com/self-sufficiency-has-met-her-match/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=self-sufficiency-has-met-her-match Sat, 20 Apr 2019 12:32:16 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=623401 In December 2017, I attended my first NL Intensive training in Brenham, TX. I’m pretty sure it was day two, which in my experience at these trainings, is when things really start getting stirred up internally. This life lesson came to me in my blind spot. Like a horse’s blind spot, it was right in […]

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In December 2017, I attended my first NL Intensive training in Brenham, TX. I’m pretty sure it was day two, which in my experience at these trainings, is when things really start getting stirred up internally. This life lesson came to me in my blind spot. Like a horse’s blind spot, it was right in front of my face (or maybe right behind my rear?). In fact, the only one who could see what was going on was my partner for the weekend.

I was in the round pen with the horse, Indigo (name has been changed for this article), trying to connect through attachment. When we had worked together the day before, we had a pretty quick connection, so I figured it would happen pretty easily again. This was not the case. Indigo was completely ignoring me. So I started to gradually increase my efforts, going from clucking and calling her name, to stomping my feet, to waving my hands in the air, to getting closer and jumping up and down and waving my hands all at the same time.

My partner stopped me (thank goodness!). I walked over to her and took a much needed break from all the jumping and flailing around. She said something simple like, “It seems to me like your energy on the outside does not match your energy on the inside”. At first I shot a quick answer back like, “Really? I feel like all of my energy is as high as it can go! I don’t know what else to do.” And then the thought settled somewhere deep within, and I took a deep breath and looked at her. She was right.

At some point, Tim Jobe had joined the conversation (he has a way of popping in at the just the right moment). He asked something to the effect of, “What might be keeping you from raising your internal energy?” I explained that it felt like there is a line that divides where I feel safe and comfortable to make an “ask” in a relationship and where it feels all together too risky and vulnerable. Tim asked, “What is the risk if you cross that line?” I started to process out loud about how if I gave more energy toward the relationship, what if it wasn’t reciprocated? What if she still kept ignoring me? The fear of losing what connection I did have seemed to outweigh the potential of gaining an even deeper connection. A wave of realization was rushing over me. This, of course, directly correlated to how I often felt in my human relationships.

Then something beautiful happened that I’ll never forget. By this point, I was back to standing in proximity to Indigo. As soon as I acknowledged my true inner feelings to Tim and my partner, Indigo turned and came toward me. She planted herself right there next to me as tears began to steadily stream down my face. I hadn’t even asked her to come over. She chose to all on her own. And all I could do was stand there next to her and let the tears fall freely. I savored that moment with her and all that she “said” to me through her actions.

In a way that only a horse can, she affirmed so many truths for me in this moment. She affirmed that all she wanted was the real me. She didn’t require that I had it all together. She only required that I was being real with myself and with her. It was as if she was saying, “Oh good, you’re truly present with me and now I want to come be with you”. She also affirmed that the experience of a connection like this was totally worth the risk and vulnerability it took to get it.

“Most people believe vulnerability is weakness. But really, vulnerability is courage. We must ask ourselves…are we willing to show up and be seen?”

–Brene Brown

Self-sufficiency has met her match, her name is Vulnerability. It’s only through vulnerability that true connection is experienced. Self-sufficiency may give a false sense of security, but it will forever leave me feeling disconnected from others. Indigo helped me realize that what I want more than independence and self-sufficiency is the sense of being known and accepted for who I am. In order to get this, I have to show up in relationships as my authentic, vulnerable, messy self.

Every day we have the choice. Today I choose vulnerability.

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Jamie offers life coaching, both equine assisted and non-equine, to the Central Ohio area. She is dual certified through Natural Lifemanship as a Practitioner and an Equine Professional and is a certified Life Coach through the JRNI Catalyst Coaching Intensive. Her coaching business, Hope Anew, thrives on this motto: Healing Occurs through Purposeful Elements- Art, Nature, Environment, and Well-being. She loves taking creative approaches to helping people on their path to personal growth, as the path to transformation looks different for everyone!

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The Ride https://naturallifemanship.com/the-ride/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-ride Tue, 18 Sep 2018 22:03:50 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=21792 The Ride, a poem about the special horse-human relationship from Kelli Adams of the Barnabas Horse Foundation.

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She feels as if she’s flying, the wind whipping at her face,

The movement underneath her offers peace and grace.

Her eyes tear and tingle by flowing mane and tail, as her horse takes her swiftly up the rocky trail.

His hoofbeats are steady. The rhythm sure and true. It’s something she can count on, a feeling all too new.

Exhausted yet excited she brings him to a walk.  As they both inhale deeply to God she starts to talk.

Her horse soon relaxes, steady on the reins as she speaks to the Lord about her fears and pain.

She screams loudly. Shaking her fist in the air. Wondering boldly does God not even care?

Yet her horse stays steady never missing a beat.  Ears forward and ever ready on his sure and sturdy feet.

As the trail widens and he eases to a trot, the girl looks up and wonders about her sorry lot.

She exhales deeply as she sits across his stride. She is thankful for this moment and is grateful for this ride.

As her burdens are lifted with each clip clop of his gate, she has time to re-examine and to understand her fate.

While people often let her down, look through her greatest need, he has always been her truest friend, this loyal, trusty steed.

He lowers his head and takes a breath, exhales a mighty sigh, and with ears that listen for dangers call, he hears his mistress cry.

She cries for all the worry, the words she’s left unsaid, the anger, fear and furry—emotions she so dreads.

Now, finally spent and empty she turns and rides for home, able to enjoy the quiet and not feeling so alone.

She notices the landscape as if for the first time, the hues of the beautiful sunset, the warmth of the fading sunshine.

Her horse senses the difference and pauses for a bite, no longer feeling anxious he has lost his need for flight.

Together they are a picture standing on this hill and no one else would notice his therapeutic skill. 

 The ease at which he is able to rectify her course,, and there-in lies the beauty of a lone girl on her horse.

 

This poem is a special contribution from Kelli Adams of the Barnabas Horse Foundation. Thank you Kelli!

 

Find a Natural Lifemanship training near you!

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Building Connected Relationships https://naturallifemanship.com/building-connected-relationships/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=building-connected-relationships Tue, 21 Aug 2018 00:16:17 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=21018 The Fundamentals of Natural Lifemanship is based on healing trauma through connected relationships

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By Sarah Willeman

Building Connected Relationships

Horse-assisted psychotherapies show tremendous promise in helping people with trauma, which is notoriously difficult to treat. Trauma lives not only in our conscious mind but deeper in our nervous system, in parts of the brain responsible for basic survival. We can’t will our way—or talk our way—out of it. Horses can help people regulate those deeper brain regions. Recently I attended a training in one particular therapy model that’s captured my attention. It’s based on healing through connected relationships, beginning with the horse.

The Model

The model is called Natural Lifemanship. I found the name corny at first, but now I get it. Beyond just therapy, this is a way of being in the world—a guiding mindset for building relationships in all areas, with people and animals. The Natural Lifemanship school of therapy is called Trauma-Focused Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy (TF-EAP). It’s based on the structure and function of the brain, and it combines neurobiology with sound relationship principles. People learn these principles in the context of their relationship with the horse and can then transfer them to other relationships in their lives.

The founders, Bettina Shultz-Jobe and Tim Jobe, have backgrounds in psychotherapy with at-risk groups and horsemanship with challenging cases, like wild mustangs. (In his job starting mustangs, Tim could take a horse never before touched by a person and be riding him in a couple of hours—and not through coercive techniques.) In other words, the founders have deep expertise with both horses and psychology. And the method goes far beyond just that “magical” quality that contact with horses can have. This work has clear principles, organization, and purpose and has helped a lot of people.

The Neurobiology

A horse’s brain works in similar ways to that of a traumatized person: the lower, survival-focused brain regions are largely running the show. 

 

The Equine Brain

Horses’ brains are naturally built this way. Compared to humans, horses have a small neocortex, the region responsible for thinking. In herd life, only the lead mare needs to do much thinking. Horses mainly need their fight-or-flight reflexes, and they need to follow the herd. Survival is the horse’s essential skill, and it’s governed by the lower brain.

 

The Human Brain in Trauma

With trauma, a person becomes stuck in those same lower brain regions. The fight-or-flight response actually has a third component: it’s fight, flight, or freeze. When a person is stuck in these states, the survival regions of the brain get over-exercised, the nervous system becomes dysregulated, and the person has trouble regaining internal calm—the calm that’s necessary for good relationships and physical wellbeing.

That over-exercising of the lower brain leads to two things, anatomically: it builds up the lower brain and simultaneously sacrifices connections to the upper brain regions, where thinking and emotional connection happen. There’s a use-it-or-lose-it phenomenon with brain pathways. A traumatized person has trouble with self-regulation because many of the cross-brain connections that allow us to consciously calm our survival reflexes have been lost—or in the case of childhood trauma, perhaps never created.

 

Healing the Brain

The good news is the brain has plasticity, and new connections can be formed. The most effective trauma therapy will first regulate the lower brain and then engage the upper brain regions, thereby forming new pathways, helping all parts of the brain to integrate with each other for healthy functioning.

In Natural Lifemanship, it’s crucial to understand which part of the brain a horse or person is responding or reacting from. (Responding is associated with calm, integrated thinking; reacting is habitual and reflexive.) This understanding is important because if someone’s in survival mode and you try to reason with their thinking brain, they’re simply not there to receive what you have to say.

Horses demonstrate this phenomenon. A scared horse cannot learn. The best horsemen understand that training through intimidation will ultimately fail. The horse might robotically comply out of fear, but he’ll eventually make a panicked mistake, or try to run away from the rider’s signals, or become injured from the constant stress. But a horse in a calm, connected state can develop and flourish.

And here’s what gives rise to a powerful road to healing: humans and horses are born with an innate desire to connect. 

We want to form safe, caring bonds with other beings; we yearn for experiences of trust and mutual understanding. In fact, as psychology’s well-established field of Attachment Theory teaches, we need those safe connections in order to have a healthy nervous system. Natural Lifemanship uses the power of emotional connection to heal and integrate the brain of both human and horse.

 

How Natural Lifemanship Works

Although the principles can be applied in any setting, the primary mode of TF-EAP is working with horses in the round pen.

The person gradually builds a healthy, connected relationship with the horse by learning to make requests of the horse, recognize the horse’s signals, and respond appropriately. 

This process requires the person to become aware of her internal state, which the horse instinctually senses. (You could do the same outward gestures with different internal states and get a completely different reaction from the horse.) Throughout the work, the therapist and horse together help the person develop self-awareness and self-regulation, as new neural pathways are formed.

If the person’s nervous system is too agitated, the therapist can use specific techniques to calm those lower brain regions. Certain types of sensory input and movement—namely, rhythmic and repetitive—have been found to regulate and soothe the nervous system. (Think of a steady heartbeat or rocking a baby.) TF-EAP therapists use a variety of proven methods to help the client regulate her brain from the bottom up; in other words, beginning with the lowest brain region that needs support. The survival-focused brainstem has to settle before higher brain regions like the limbic system and neocortex can be engaged in relationship-building activities.

The Horse-Human Relationship

A connected relationship is one in which both parties choose to do what’s right for the relationship, and those choices are made freely and willingly.

In Natural Lifemanship, the relationship with the horse is not a metaphor or proxy for a human relationship; rather, it’s a real relationship. Although there’s apparent overlap with many schools of Natural Horsemanship, there are important differences, too. Instead of viewing the human as the horse’s leader and asking the horse to be submissive, Natural Lifemanship seeks a dynamic of mutual respect and trust, with self-regulation and good decision-making on both sides. The horse learns to pause, think and freely choose to do the right thing.

This key conceptual difference arises from the model’s basis in neurobiology. Just as a human can develop new neural pathways, a horse can, too. Interactions with humans offer a unique opportunity to actually build up the horse’s neocortex (and capacity for self-regulation) in a way that wouldn’t happen in herd life.

And because horses are so direct—their responses are immediate and honest—they provide excellent feedback for the person. Horses sense how we really feel. Communication is visceral and genuine. When it goes well, there is a simple, genuine pleasure. Connection is inherently rewarding for both human and horse.

As human and horse begin to co-regulate, they help each others’ nervous systems become calm, integrated and functional. And that quality of mutual benefit is essential for true connection and healing. Natural Lifemanship teaches a profoundly empowering skill: how to develop a strong relationship that’s good for both parties.

These are two key principles:

  • “If it’s not good for both, it’s eventually not good for either.”
  • “Regardless of the task or activity, connection is always the goal.”

These principles can be applied to work with horses and to all relationships with people and animals.

Compliance Versus Cooperation

In order to create connection, we need to understand the difference between compliance and cooperation. Compliance is a submissive action; it’s reflexive and robotic, arising from the lower brain’s survival instinct. On the other hand, cooperation is willing and freely chosen, arising from an integrated, whole-brain process in which the horse calmly figures out what to do.

So how do we tell the difference?

Well, it can be hard, because both can lead temporarily to very similar outward behaviors. Certainly, there are emotional cues, which can be subtle. But the real answer lies in the process.

Asking For Connection

As Natural Lifemanship explains, “Connection is predicated on a request.” In other words, rather than waiting for connection to magically happen, we need to ask for it. And how we ask—or how strongly we ask—has a major impact on the horse’s (or person’s) response.

The teaching is this: neither placate nor coerce. Both those extremes will eventually lead to aggressive behavior from the horse. (And as we talk about the horse here, continue to think of parallels with people.) Between those extremes lies the powerful zone of growth and connection.

An essential part of the process in TF-EAP is learning to make requests in an authoritative, calm manner, using the appropriate amount of pressure.

The Pressure Continuum

In this context, pressure is not a bad thing but just a fact of the universe. Making a request is a form of pressure. The goal is to use the least amount of pressure necessary.

Too little pressure and we’ll get ignored. Too much pressure and we’ll get fight-or-flight-type reactivity. Imagine an example: if someone yells at you when you’d’ve been happy to listen to a kind request, you might be mad (fight) or scared (flight) or too startled to know what to do (freeze). 

Similarly, too much pressure can scare or anger a horse. If he’s in this state and still complies with our immediate request, he’s in his survival brain. This is not freely-chosen cooperation, and it’s not connection.

The appropriate amount of pressure compels the horse to search for an answer but leaves his options open, so he can figure it out and make a voluntary choice. This is the sweet spot of learning and relationship-building.

When we make a request of the horse, he can do one of three things: ignore, resist or cooperate. Herein lies one of the most powerful insights of the work: resistance is not necessarily bad. It means he’s trying to find an answer.

If he tries some wrong answers, we just keep the pressure the same. In order to do so, we need to stay calm and maintain control of our body energy, which can be hard to do when we’re not getting what we want. (Master horsewoman Sarah Dawson described this phenomenon during foal training: “I have to be careful I don’t take offense to any of the wrong answers he tries. He’s just trying to figure it out.”) We need self-awareness and self-regulation in order to succeed at this step.

Then—and this is equally crucial—when the horse begins to find the right answer, we immediately release the pressure. Which probably sounds familiar; the timing of pressure and release is the most fundamental skill of horse training. But you’d be surprised how often people mess this up, with horses and with other humans.

In the Round Pen

So, what does all this look like in the round pen?

With the horse lose in the pen, we apply pressure by raising the energy of our body and directing that energy—movement, sound, internal state—toward the horse. 

We might lift our arm or swing a rope; cluck or make other sounds; walk more energetically or, at the extreme end, stomp our feet. Depending on the sensitivity of the horse, we could get a response from just a small shift in our energy. The specific direction of our energy is crucial, beginning with the direction of our gaze.

And an important note: we need to learn to raise our energy while maintaining a state of calm. Energy and agitation are not the same thing.

In the following series of photos, I’m working with Cruz on attachment, which is a central part of the method. In this case, attachment means I’m asking him to follow me. Here’s what to look for:

The Request

To ask Cruz for attachment, I apply pressure to his hindquarters. (Another difference from typical horse training, which drives the horse forward from the hindquarters. Here, to ask him to move forward I’d apply pressure near the girth region, where my leg would be if I were riding.) To begin with the least amount of pressure, I simply look at his hindquarters, with my torso pointing toward that part of his body. If necessary, I can increase my body energy and movement from there.

The Release

I want him to turn his attention toward me and begin to move in my direction, so those are the things I reward by releasing pressure—specifically, by lowering my body energy/movement/gestures, backing away, softening my voice, or actually turning and walking away. I don’t reward submissive gestures like dropping his head and licking his lips. If he does those things after I’ve released the pressure, that’s all right; it’s a sign of relaxation (along with yawning, sighing or snorting in that particular relaxed horsey way). But if he does those things in response to pressure, it’s a reflexive, lower-brain attempt at submission, which we don’t want.

The Connection

When he attaches and follows me, I let myself really feel the enjoyment of it—which he senses and enjoys as well.

So let’s begin…

Cruz ignores the subtler signals, so I kiss to him and swing the rope to help me raise my body energy:

He searches for an answer by trotting away, but since that’s not what I’m asking, I keep the pressure the same:

As soon as he starts to slow down and shift his attention toward me, I lower the rope and back away. He walks toward me; I release further by turning and walking away, allowing this sense of connection to soothe my own nervous system:

When he reaches me, I stand with him calmly, letting my body energy completely relax. I scratch his withers, praise him, and enjoy hanging out with him:

Then I ask him to follow me again, simply by looking toward his hindquarters and kissing to him. This time, he responds to those cues—much less pressure than before—and attaches:

When his attention wanders, I simply notice and make the request again, using the least amount of pressure necessary:

Again, he attaches, and we both enjoy the connection:

We finish by standing quietly together again. Even when he looks across the round pen, we’re still connected. He’s relaxed, not alarmed by whatever he sees, and he easily brings his attention back to me (notice the tilt of his ear in the second photo):

Photo series by my husband, Philip Richter

 

Horsemanship Insights

The legendary horseman Bill Steinkraus wrote, “Since the horse will have the last word in any case, we must try to ensure, through skill, tact, and moderation, that this last word is ‘yes.’”

Natural Lifemanship explains what that “skill, tact and moderation” consists of in its most evolved form: it’s about understanding the horse’s mind, including the neurobiology, in order to form a true partnership.

The very best compassionate horsemen might talk about leadership and submission (both Steinkraus and Sarah Dawson sometimes do, eg.) But in practice, the way they relate to their horses aligns closely with Natural Lifemanship principles. The best horsemen do create partnerships of mutual respect and trust. For them, this framework can provide some new language, a subtle shift in thinking, and a brain-based explanation for why their methods work. Plus maybe a few new tools and techniques, in the round pen and elsewhere.

In other cases, horse trainers could benefit from a major paradigm shift that encompasses not only their ideas but also their actions.

The Main Ideas

Submission should not be the goal. We do need to stop the horse from misbehaving because it’s not good for the relationship. But we don’t want the horse to be stuck in his lower, survival-based brain. We don’t want to dominate or control him; we want him to learn to appropriately control himself.

The most effective trainer neither coerces nor placates the horse. Instead, she uses well-timed pressure and release to have a conversation, with a goal of mutual understanding, trust, and connection. To succeed at this, she must be able to regulate her own internal state, in order to help the horse learn to regulate his. She does what’s right for the relationship, and the horse learns to do the same.

When horses learn to slow down, think, and freely choose to do the right thing, they become not only happier but better at their jobs, whether competing or trail-riding for pleasure.

Connecting in Everyday Life

Although Natural Lifemanship arises from a framework of healing trauma, it can help everyone. We all benefit from enhanced self-awareness and self-regulation. We all benefit from relationship-building skills. Through this work, we can learn to stay calm and grounded when faced with challenge; to enjoy more fully those moments of connection with others, and to create the most fulfilling relationships possible with people and animals.

A Few Takeaways

Make connection the priority.

Whether talking with coworkers, walking your dog, or working out a disagreement with a family member, prioritize connection and you’ll get a much better outcome. Rather than fixating on issues, trying to control others, or insisting you’re right, try to connect. This approach leads to considerate listening and more genuine self-expression—which make for better immediate experiences and healthier relationships.

Plus, connection feels good; it cultivates wellbeing for yourself and those around you. As you go about your day, remember you can connect with others even in casual interactions.

Do what’s right for the relationship.

Let this principle guide you in your relationships with people and animals. Do what’s right for the relationship, and ask the other to do the same. This means you’ll communicate what you need and be aware of the other’s needs. You’ll make your own requests and listen to theirs.

Be aware of how much pressure you’re using.

When you communicate with others, be aware of how strongly you’re coming across. Think about what constitutes pressure in a given situation, and be mindful of how you apply it. Use the least amount of pressure necessary to get a response. And make sure you learn how to take the pressure off when you need to! (To learn more about this, you can attend a Natural Lifemanship Training.)

Cultivate your self-regulation.

In order to make use of these ideas, you need to be able to regulate your own system. Like well-traveled paths in the woods, the brain pathways we repeatedly use become our go-to reactions, while the ones we don’t use wither away. Notice your habitual thoughts and reactions. Learn to pause. You might make some subtle shifts that have a profound effect on how you feel and how you relate to others. A daily meditation practice can help.

Natural Lifemanship is both a science and an art. It helps us heal and evolve so that we can, in turn, have a positive impact on those around us. And the bottom line is, it just feels better when we live by these principles.

See more, and meet the horse-celebrity Grappa, at GrappaLane.com.

Find Natural Lifemanship trainings in your area.

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Why Natural Lifemanship? https://naturallifemanship.com/why-natural-lifemanship/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=why-natural-lifemanship Tue, 24 Jul 2018 21:41:51 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=20310 After 20 years of searching, Natural Lifemanship has helped me to trust myself to confidently embrace & facilitate the horse/human connection.

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In truth it was the horsemanship aspect of NL that hooked me first. I didn’t grow up with horses. I didn’t grow up in barns with trainers, no competitions or shows, no one telling me how it should be or what is the ‘right’ way.  In 1998, I was a sophomore at Prescott College and I met a woman named Barbara Rector. I don’t remember the name of the class she was teaching, something about horses and healing … it caught my attention and that was the beginning of something great. Barbara opened a window in my heart and gave me a glimpse of what’s possible between horses and humans. However . . what I found outside that environment was confusing. 

After I met Barbara I dove head first into the field of ‘Equine Assisted’ services. I pursued the field academically and practically as I started to develop my own thoughts and ideas in the world of horsemanship. What I found in that world was that there were a LOT of opinions. And most of those opinions required me, the human, to take care of the horse. To manage the horse. To tell the horse what to do. It never made sense to me and yet it seemed like it was the only answer… clearly horses couldn’t take care of themselves. And so my journey began. Because I didn’t feel I had enough knowledge or experience, I decided I needed to learn as much as I could from other equine professionals. I met some absolutely brilliant ‘horse people’. I stayed on that path for many years, trying to make sense of something that never felt quite right. 

In 2015 my partner, Matt, and I purchased Dandelion Farm and moved Discovery Horse and our herd of 8 horses home in the late fall.  I had been anticipating this day since 1998. I was terrified and excited. I was committed to find a way to live and work with my horses that felt good for everyone. That encouraged us all to grow and be accountable. That felt safe and equal. That fostered connection. I was committed to listen, to make mistakes, to apologize and I was committed to showing up. 

Slowly but surely, I started to see how this new way of being together was affecting the herd. I saw more confidence, less reactivity. They ran TO me when I went to the pasture. They couldn’t wait to get up to the arena when people were here. When people came to the farm I allowed space for them to step into that sort of relationship experience with a horse and amazing things were happening. I really started to question how one form of training could work for every horse.  I was seeing in my own herd instances that defied that logic. I started to understand that being with horses is more about the relationship than it is about knowledge and rules. A relationship that invites each person/being to be their own expert in needs, wants, boundaries and connection.  This was an incredible revelation but one that left me feeling weak in the knees . . because being in this sort of relationship with the herd required me to trust myself, and to see myself as an expert, a task I have spent years working on but by no means have mastered. 

So here I was. Armed with this new revelation, finally feeling good about how I was showing up with my horses, yet still feeling isolated in my belief systems. I struggled to find language, confidence and community to foster what I was practicing.

Enter Natural Lifemanship. In June of 2017 Discovery Horse hosted a NL fundamentals training at our farm. Our trainers for the weekend, Reccia and Claire, presented the attendees with a challenge . . . a request . . . they asked us to believe, for the weekend, that horses could make choices. I’m not sure . . but I think I might have actually ‘whooped’ in agreement. As the weekend progressed I felt as though Reccia and Claire were speaking my language while at the same time opening my mind to a whole new way of supporting my clients, my animal partners and myself, from a place of science and principals that made absolute sense and fell in total alignment with how we had been operating at Discovery Horse. And I found a community that honors the horse as an equal partner and views our connection with horses as not only foundational to our work, but as real and vibrant relationship in its own right. I left that weekend feeling empowered by the fact that I wasn’t alone.

At the time of this writing, I am nearly done with the process to become dually certified as a Natural Lifemanship Practitioner and Equine Professional. As a practitioner of the Equine Gestalt Coaching MethodⓇ my scope of practice is coaching and equine-assisted learning. I am a consummate seeker of knowledge and experience and have been certified and trained with some of the best individuals and models our industry has to offer. The NL model has provided me with a framework that beautifully encapsulates all of my background and training while the principles tie it all together. Since June I have attended a mustang intensive in CA, attended the first NL conference in TX and I participated in a group consultation as part of certification. I have been consistently impressed and inspired by the staff of NL and the individuals that choose to embrace their work. 

I have been very impressed with the depth and professionalism the certification process provides. I am a business owner, coach, horse professional, mom and spouse and the flexible learning platform made it possible to add this to my already full life in a successful way. The community itself is exceptional. The conference was one of the best I have attended, providing staggering amounts of information and representing all facets of equine-assisted professionals. Tim and Bettina truly foster a non-competitive environment focused on growth and learning. The word ‘authentic’ rings true at a deep level. It is clear that this is a community committed to doing the kind of work that changes lives.

Ultimately the principles of NL require us to take responsibility for ourselves while in relationship, which of course requires connection. I have integrated the NL model into many of my client sessions and have consistently seen results that exceed expectation. I like to imagine a world where this happens as the rule and not the exception. I am so stoked to see the impact NL is having on our industry and the relationships we have with our equine partners. I believe that the power of their principles reaches far beyond the field of trauma. . . .it is really a recipe for life as their name so beautifully implies!

As a student of Barbara Rector’s we were asked to make a safety agreement as a group before we began our work. The agreement Barbara used was:

“I agree to be responsible for myself today, thus contributing to the safety of this group”. Not until the moment of writing was I aware how full circle this statement would come in my life. After 20 years of searching, Natural Lifemanship has helped me access my ability to trust myself, allowing me to confidently embrace and facilitate the horse and human connections I always knew were possible.

 

Experience the Natural Lifemanship principles for yourself and find the pieces you’ve been missing as well by signing up for one of our trainings in your area. Also, be on the lookout for our trainings coming up in 2019.

 

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The Ride of Your Life, How Does One Get That? https://naturallifemanship.com/the-ride-of-your-life-how-does-one-get-that/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-ride-of-your-life-how-does-one-get-that Mon, 25 Jun 2018 15:44:23 +0000 https://naturallifemanship.com/?p=19231 NL Trainer, Cindy-Skelton Hodge life-changing experience with Pete, her equine partner, at a Natural Lifemanship Rhythmic Riding Immersion training.

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…The Ride of Your Life

Leslie and I arrived at Miracle Farm in Brenham Texas with great excitement for our Natural Lifemanship Rhythmic Riding Immersion.   This was the next stage of our education: an advanced intensive training designed to help us experience and understand more deeply how rhythmic patterned sensory input and movement helps a person learn to manage – or regulate – themselves through stressful or emotional moments of life.

Research shows that connected, attuned and healthy relationships are the paths (literally: neural pathways) to building resilience and to overcoming the effects of complex trauma on our brain and our body.   To create that kind of relationship, a person has to be able to manage themselves first; to understand when fear, anger or defensiveness is present, and to be able to do something constructive with those feelings.   We call this “regulation”.

Our group for this training was small, and the trust for each other was immediate.   That, we would soon learn, was important as the work we were to do over the next three days was going to require vulnerability,  persistence, failure, change, support and a willingness to risk it all.   Our goal was to build a relationship with a horse that puts connection above all else, recognize when “compliance” or “dissociation” is offered instead of connection, and actually ride/dance to the rhythm of music by the time we left on Sunday.

To prepare ourselves for the work at hand, each day started with a mindfulness practice and drumming exercises designed to get us in touch with our own internal rhythms, and to find ways to merge that with our partners.   Together we had to learn to dance independently and also in sync, often at the same moment.

We met Pete in an open arena with four other horses.  He seemed somewhat willing to notice that we were there and offered, at a distance, a bit of connection.   Pete stood alone and independent, he was attractive, and had the cutest white snip on his nose.   Leslie and I chose him as our relationship partner for the weekend.

Other than the fact that Pete lives at Miracle Farm, we knew nothing about him.  We were excited, and began the process of attuning our senses to Pete’s non-verbal communication, his rhythm, his desires and his ability to connect when asked.  It was Leslie’s job to establish our first connection and to obtain his consent in putting on a halter, but only five minutes into the process we knew one thing more – when asked to connect Pete can be aggressive.   Ears pinned, nose out, and at a fast pace, he moved toward Leslie.  He made it very clear how he felt about connection with us and our request for relationship!

Deep breath; we had our work cut out for us this weekend.   Was this acceptable behavior?   Do we recognize similar behavior in other parts of our lives?  How do we respond? Do we allow it?   Does Pete really desire a connected relationship with us, or is that just our “thing”?  And how do we help Pete change this mal-adaptive behavior (behavior meant to keep him safe in other situations, but not appropriate in this situation) through a connection and not by punishment?

Over the next three days, Leslie, Pete and I climbed what seemed to be a staircase.   With each step up – and often when we felt like we’d left the aggressive behavior behind – Pete brought it out again.    At first we were shocked, certain that we had overcome that on the previous step!   By Saturday afternoon we kept seeing the same pattern emerge.  Every time we moved forward with deeper connection Pete became very uncomfortable.   His stress started to rise and the negative behavior returned, however now a new adaptation was added: whenever the stress reached a certain point, Pete started to pump his hind legs up and down. We thought that he was trying to regulate, but dang! Was all of this too much?   Should we slow down? Should we speed up?    What?   Clearly, Pete was not the only one going through this process, and Leslie and I learned to open ourselves to the feedback from each other. Whenever one of us began to doubt the process or our attempts to move through it, the other filled in with support.   We often wondered if it was Pete’s behavior that was causing the defensiveness in our own brains and bodies, or – was it the other way around?

 

By Sunday morning, we were not sure that our rhythmic ride was going to happen by the afternoon.   We were open to all possibilities and stayed committed to an attuned connection with Pete.   However, by mid-morning, Pete had said “yes” to the bareback pad, and so it was time to ask if we could ride.    Like all of the previous steps, he aggressively said “no” at first, only this time we got to “yes” much quicker.   I was the first to ride, and within minutes we were fluidly moving around the pen.   We found stop, go, left and right without the use of my hands or reins.  Leslie had the same type of ride.   We exhaled and broke for lunch early.   The three of us had overcome what had once been a brick wall boundary – together.

After lunch, we saddled up, and it came as no surprise that Pete provided us with the opportunity to work through some more stress.  But now, his former aggressiveness had changed to just a little bit of defensiveness.  Once again, I was the first to step on and this time there was nothing to work through!   Pete and I headed to the big arena, both of us a little nervous for the unknown that lay ahead.   Two songs played as we warmed up in a walk, and then my first song (“Fly” by Celine Dion) came on.    Pete and I found our Rhythm quickly, but I honestly have no idea how we did it.   There was no technique involved; we just felt each other.   We found a walk and a trot beautifully, and – somewhere in that song – we found trust.    We were totally connected, both of us feeling the power of the moment.

Then it was time to step off. I was overcome by the intensity and the work of the weekend that had culminated in the past 30 minutes that, as a person who has many horses living on her own property, I had never felt before.

Then, it was Leslie’s turn to fly.  And while that is her story to tell, I believe she had a very similar experience.   I kept the beat for her as well, and the final song found the three of us walking together, Leslie on Pete, she and I holding hands.   Only the three of us could really know where we had been together, all that had been accomplished, and the connections that had been developed between us.

At the end of this type of immersive experience there is usually an opportunity to reflect on and talk about all that you have learned.    It is these final moments of the training that Leslie and I learned a little more about Pete.   He had participated in these type of trainings before, but he had never been able to complete them.   His aggressive and defensive behavior had been evident, but he had also displayed signs of colic (stomach ache), severe diarrhea, and lameness.   In fact, Pete had recently seen three different veterinarians in the farm’s attempt to figure out what was causing the lameness issues.   They saw it, but could not find any medical reason for it.

Unbeknownst to us, Miracle Farm and Natural Lifemanship were wondering if Pete’s physical condition had something to do with his adaption to his environment and life on the farm.   Leslie and I happened to be next in the line of folks that had the opportunity to help him work through his difficulties.   We saw his shallow breathing, we heard the stomach rumbling, and we were aware of several other physical aspects of his adaptive behavior, but he never colicked, and he absolutely never took a faltering step during our rides of a lifetime.    Pete made it through – he had crossed a threshold that he had never crossed before.  Along the way he had also developed some new neural pathways that would allow him to do it again.   Leslie and I are so grateful for those that had helped Pete before us, and were honored beyond our imagination to have been on the part of the journey that allowed him to cross the final threshold.

This was an intense weekend.  At each step along the way we had to be willing to risk the relationships we had developed to see if we could take them one step further, one step healthier.    This is the work that our clients – individuals who have experienced complex trauma in their own lives – their families, and their friends must be willing to do in order to heal and regain their life and relationships.

We see this frequently at Windows to My Soul.   An individual makes a huge breakthrough, or finds a subtle change that allows them to deepen their connections and discover more resilience, direction, or empowerment.   Yes, it can and does happen, but it is often not a “big bang” moment.    We frequently have to climb that same staircase that Pete climbed, and with every step there is the opportunity to develop a new neural pathway to success instead of the old one that has us stuck in and feeling trauma.   Over time, conscious choices begin to help direct us toward the new path, leading to an implicit neural pathway that creates successful, healthy, connected relationships automatically.

We know that the next time Pete is asked if he would like to participate in a training or carry a rider that his brain and his body might feel and express the same automatic reaction (old neural pathway) to the request.  But we also know that he has developed a new pathway that will allow for healthier relationships, and an ability to help him recognize the universal need for connection.   Once, only one choice was possible for him. Now there are two.

It is Leslie’s and my sincere wish that Pete will be surrounded by folks who understand that, and are willing to support Pete as he strengthens his pathways to connection, particularly when reverting to the old pathway can be so much easier.

And if Miracle Farm is ever ready, our trailer will be hooked and ready to roll to Texas!   Pete has a forever home at Windows to My Soul, any day, any time.

Edited by: Leslie Exter

 

Experience Rhythmic Riding™ for yourself. Click the link below to sign up for our last RR Immersion training this year.

Natural Lifemanship Rhythmic Riding Immersion – August 17th-19th, 2018, Horse Sense of the Carolinas, Marshall, NC 

Learn More about the Rhythmic Riding Immersion

Learn More about Windows to My Soul

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